To the Girl (or boy) With an Eating Disorder
So many of you have read this post that I decided to give it an update. (June 2020)
I have been in recovery for an eating disorder for 12+ years. I’ve been where you have been and felt the hopelessness that you have felt. Living with an eating disorder is like being on a sinking boat and not having the physical strength to jump into the lifeboat. It’s like being on a doomed airplane with a parachute strapped to your back but your fingers are unable to grasp the cord and pull yourself to safety. The scariest thing might be that you’re not sure you even want to jump in that lifeboat or pull that cord.
I used to struggle with this as I fought the war in my mind, trying to decide between life and death. Living should be so easy, it’s just food, right? But we both know it’s not. I was in this place over 12 years ago, clinging to both life and death at the same time. So how did I get here? How am I now writing you these words?
My journey brought me to God, or rather, brought me to a more personal and deeper understanding of God. It was his love for me that helped me get where I am today. I came to the realization through Psalms 139:13-18 that if God took the time to create me then my life had a meaning that was worth fighting for.
The Kaleidoscope Girl
Shortly after starting my recovery, I began working on a novel about a girl with an eating disorder. Over 11 years and five manuscripts later I had The Kaleidoscope Girl. The Kaleidoscope Girl is my way of expressing to the world–and every girl still struggling or in recovery from her disorder–that she has a purpose. That her life is worth living.
Through the story of the main character, Ariel, I hope that you see yourself, your value, and your beautiful place in this world.
Your Life is Worth Living
I know that God loves you and if you are still breathing then you have a purpose. There is a reason there is breath in your lungs. You are meant to live. You are meant to do so many great things.
The things you are meant to do could be as simple as hugging your child, mom, sister, husband, or boyfriend. Or as complex as bringing awareness to the issue of eating disorders and helping change happen. You could help spread hope. Your story is worth being told because you are worth healing.I want you to know that you are not alone, that there is hope to this struggle. Many have gone before you and won this battle. I’m not going to tell you it’s easy. On the contrary, it will be quite hard, I’m still on the journey to complete healing myself.
BUT fighting for your life is worth it. You are worth it. That voice in your head that says you are not good enough or that you don’t deserve to be whole is wrong. You ARE good enough. You are MEANT to be whole. God made every part of you and you are so amazing no matter what the evil voice in your head is telling you.
- Make that appointment
- Call that accountability partner
- Admit you need help
- Ask for help
- Fight the voice one time and then two and then more
- KNOW that you CAN do this, pray and cry out to God for help because we all need help, we can’t do it alone.
It may seem impossible now, but it IS possible. Freedom and healing are possible. You are in the fight of your life but you have the tools inside of you and also withing reach in the form of friends, family, and professional help. Seek God and lean on him with everything you have because he will be there when everyone else leaves and it’s only you on your bed staring at the ceiling and crying in the darkness of your bedroom.
I didn’t realize until I had regained some health that God had been with me in those darkest moments. He cared when I didn’t care enough about myself. He loves you. Keep fighting.
The Kaleidoscope Girl is available on AMAZON in Kindle and paperback format.
