Blog

My life has not gone the way I imagined.

I sat in the car on Christmas-day 2018 and said to Mason, “Wouldn’t it be so cool if next Christmas’s we had a baby with us?”

He nodded in agreement with a hit of hesitation because he’s a responsible human and sees dollar signs when I mention babies while I see sweet soft baby skin, tiny lips, fingers, and toes. I imagined the way I’d decorate the baby’s room in the townhouse we owned. I imagined family visiting. I imagined a beautiful life in my comfortable home in Florida. I saw the future and I loved it. I had a group of girls I mentored on Wednesday nights, a four-year-old redhead girl who I loved to death, a book about to be published, and dreams of being a traveling author and speaker.

A few short months later EVERYTHING changed.

A year (and a few days) after imaging having a baby for Christmas 2019, I find myself in a one-bedroom apartment in California with Mason and my dog Winston. I have zero friends in California even after trying for several months to cultivate relationships. I spend my weeks working from home to pay the bills, making my hubby and myself dinner, watching Disney +, reading, spending hours at the gym, and volunteering with student ministry once a week.

To be honest, things between me and God haven’t felt as close as I’d like either. I’m in a season of dry and lonely life and I’m sometimes confused by it. I don’t wonder HOW I got here. I know God led me to this place. But I wonder why I’m here. Why did God take me away from what I thought was a good thing and drop me in California? Don’t get me wrong, California is more beautiful than I could have imagined and I’ve LOVED being able to see this far-off land that sometimes looks like it came straight from a storybook. But I wonder why I’m here.

It’s in this yearning of the soul, the questioning of my heart that I must remind myself…

I’m right where I’m supposed to be.

I might just be a girl slogging through life but I don’t believe for a second that I landed somewhere on accident. I don’t believe in accidents, luck, karma, or fate. I believe that each step we take, each victory or defeat, is part of the bigger picture of our life. I believe each seemingly step backward is actually a step forward.

I don’t write for people to feel bad for me or for sympathy. I write this because I think we all need to remember that we’re right where we’re supposed to be. We might not be where we THOUGHT we would be but I think we’re where we’re supposed to be.

This line of thought could be controversial because what if you’re reading this and you are in an abusive relationship? With that in mind, I want to point out that where I am in my life right now is not where I will stay. I know new things will come and I will chase them. I do not believe that someone in a bad situation should accept where they are and simply say, “This is where I’m supposed to be.”

No way.

In my case, I know that each step I made to get where I am was a calculated, prayerful, and smart decision. Because of that, I believe that I am right where I am supposed to be even if I don’t always like it. Could I have stayed where I was? Sure. But life isn’t as clean and orderly as we sometimes think. In my case, I believe that my step of faith to follow a path I didn’t plan for will one day lead to something great. I believe that even in the dry season.

But if you are in a bad situation, please seek help. Being used, hurt or living in an unhealthy situation is not what God wants for us. Please take steps to get out of that bad place and then know that you made the steps to be “exactly where you’re supposed to be.”

This post is a reminder for me (and hopefully you) that when life doesn’t go the way we planned. We might need to dig in a little deeper and hold on a little longer to see where life will bring us. If I got everything I wanted as a child I would be 6′ 4″ tall right now. I’m not kidding. I wanted to be that tall so I could play professional basketball. I am SO glad that God did not want that for me. I believe that in this phase of my life God sees into the future too and what He sees is better than what I thought I wanted.

Hang in there.

Much love,

Shelbie Mae

Ps: I’d love if you subscribed to my newsletter or sent me a note! I love meeting new friends. You can subscribe HERE.