Have you ever found yourself comparing your family, small business, body, career, kids, relationship, or home with a girl you’ve never met in person?
If you feel a little uncomfortable admitting this, then let me be the first to raise my hand. Girl, this past year has been a pit of comparison for me. I didn’t set out to compare myself to girls I’d never met but halfway through 2020, I knew I had a serious problem. God’s truth and guidance have been leading me out of my 2020 comparison detour, but I still have a way to go.
How I Fell in the Pit
In November of 2019, I published my first book. I was so excited. I had no idea what I was doing when it came to marketing or selling my book, but I had put over ten years into studying writing and taking writing courses. I figured the selling part would take care of itself.
I was wrong.
The beginning of 2020 rolled around and besides the major life changes that came with living in 2020, there was no change in the fact that my book wasn’t selling. I decided to take some online social media marketing classes to learn how to jumpstart my career.
I enrolled in an online community with hundreds of other women also passionate about learning how to sell their art, coaching skills, or side hustle. The classes seemed like a good idea…until I started finding the girls on social media and seeing how far ahead they were than me.
Some of them had thousands of followers while I could hardly get past five hundred. Some of them were already selling their products while I couldn’t get people to download free copies of my book. Some of them had beautiful social media aesthetics while I couldn’t figure out what I wanted mine to look like.
I took the classes and saw some growth but I was annoyed by the girls sitting in the virtual classroom beside me and I was extra annoyed by the class teacher who made everything sound easy and had seemingly everything in the business world she touched turn to gold. After several months of trying to dig this jealousy out of my heart, I decided to quit the classes due to life changes (I found out I was pregnant), and the need to extract myself from a toxic environment.
Let me point out, the class and environment were not toxic on their own. I made them that way with the discontentment and jealousy in my heart. It was a safe and welcoming community of women, but my struggles were what made it toxic.
How I Found the Courage to Leave Comparison Behind
Around the time I quit the class, I was asked by a friend to do a podcast interview for her show Scar Stories. The podcast is about how mental health stories can be used for God’s glory. I was interviewed about my past with anorexia and how God has used that story to change my life and help me encourage girls in their beauty and strength.
One of the last questions of the interview went something like this: “What can we do when we find ourselves comparing our lives or our bodies with someone else?”
God opened my mouth and the words spilled out. “When you look at who God made us to be comparing our story, our journey, our race, our bodies, with hers takes away from our uniqueness.”
When I thought about those words later, I was astounded. Did I say those things? The girl struggling with comparison said those insightful words about comparison? The more I pondered the very words God put into my mouth, the more I found them taking root in my heart.
I’m sitting at my kitchen table today with a laptop hoping you can embrace this truth as well. Girl, you are not meant to be someone else. You are meant to be you. When you compare yourself with someone else you are taking away from your personal uniqueness.
Psalms 139:16 says this:
“Your eyes saw me when I was formless; all my days were written in your book and planned before a single one of them began.” (CSB)
God knows our days. He planned them. If we’ve accepted Him as Lord of our lives then He is in the driver’s seat. This means that our days, our dreams, our careers, families, bodies, kids, and relationships are all under His guidance. If we are not where we want to be we might be exactly where God needs us to be.
I’m still letting this sink into my heart. These are not easy things to walk out. They sound nice in a nifty little article but sitting here at my kitchen table, with the day ahead of me, I still feel that yearning to be more than I am. I’m not saying God can’t help me accomplish the success I want or that He never will. No, it means that I love and accept where I am today and don’t compare myself with anyone else.
God made me to be me and I want to be exactly who He made me to be today. It may not be the person I hoped for, but I trust God will work my life out to be better than I ever planned. That’s why I’m striving to breakup with comparison. I want to be me.
Let’s connect! I share my life with my friends on Instagram.