Have you ever avoided doing something you were told regardless of being told: “it’ll be good for you?” You think, what do they know? I know me. I’m doing it!
For Example:
You should go to bed early. It’s good for you.
Eat more greens and less sugar. It’s good for you.
I must admit, there is a specific thing I have been doing for years regardless of multiple doctors and professionals quoting that it hinders eating disorder recovery. Who cares what they say, right? I know myself. I’ll do
A few months ago I wrote My Weight Secret, which hinted at this truth I have found to be true. Here it is…here is what doctors have told me since I was 13-14 years old and diagnosed with anorexia nervosa.
Don’t look at a scale. You don’t need to know the number. Not knowking is good for you.
Okay, so I added the last part–although they probably insinuated that it would be good for me.
For YEARS I ignored that thinking I knew best AND I admit, I don’t think I was ready to not know the number. Recovery has been a journey. (Going on ten years this month. Yeah!) I thought I was better off knowing how much I weighed. I thought I needed to know.
I was wrong.
The past nine months without knowing the number has been the most freeing of my recovery. I feel the most normal and the most healthy I have in TEN years. I honestly do not know what I weigh.
The other day I did a bad thing. I asked my husband if he thought I looked smaller. I thought I did, but who knows? I haven’t been looking at a scale to know if I’ve been losing (or gaining) weight. Then he did a bad thing, he answered. I know, I shouldn’t have asked in the first place! I’m not going to tell you the answer–it’s not important. What is, is that not knowing my weight has made me feel more confident about my body. I’m not as disappointed with what I see in the mirror. This all may also have something to do with my The Times I Feel Most Beautiful revelation a while back. I don’t know “the number” and I know God finds me beautiful no matter what. He created me. Me. Dang…
I don’t have all the answers. Not even close! But, maybe…just maybe those of us in recovery don’t need to know “the number.”
Or maybe it’s just me…
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